615. 1900

1900
1976
Directed by Bernardo Bertolucci

Oh dear lord.  Another four hour movie.  I wish I was that guy who controls the music at the Oscars and starts playing it when people's speeches go on for too long.  At about the ninety minute mark of these films, I could just put the music on and the director would have to wrap up whatever he was saying in ten seconds.  It would be glorious.

It is a bit difficult to sum up a four hour long movie, especially when you stop paying attention at the two hour mark.  Alfredo and Olmo are friends, despite Alfredo being raised as a populist and Olmo being raised as a socialist.  Lots of shit goes down and Donald Sutherland appears as a complete psychopath.

I am always annoyed at long films, but the length of this movie particularly pissed me off.  I could have actually enjoyed this film, but I couldn't stay connected to a film for this long.  Perhaps I should have broken it up, but really, that's not the point of a movie!  Maybe it doesn't matter; every character was so unlikable that I might have been unable to enjoy this regardless, even if it was a respectable length.  I do love me some Robert De Niro, though.

RATING: *----

Interesting Facts:

The film used more than 12,000 extras.

The uncut version is over five hours long.

545. Ultimo tango a Parigi

Ultimo tango a Parigi
Last Tango in Paris
1972
Directed by Bernardo Bertolucci

I am convinced this string of terrible movies will never end.  What do we have to look forward to after this?  Deliverance?  Kill me now.

Two strangers begin an anonymous sexual relationship.  Of course, when one person wants to become more involved, everybody loses their minds.  Isn't that always the case?  Even if you haven't seen this film, you have probably heard about the infamous butter scene.

There are plenty of sex scenes in this film that the average moviegoer might find a bit disturbing.  However, after reading about the background of this movie and learning about Bertolucci's treatment of the main actress, Maria Schneider, I was forced to conclude that this wasn't just make believe.  Maria Schneider was treated horrifically and she is even quoted as saying, "I felt raped by Brando."

This was not a fun movie to watch, with or without the background knowledge.  Someone save me from the seventies.

RATING: *----

Interesting Facts:

The butter scene was not scripted and was improvised by Bertolucci and Brando.  Maria Schneider was horrified and her tears in the scene were genuine.

Based on Bertolucci's own fantasies of sleeping with a complete stranger.  What an original man.

513. Strategia del Ragno

Strategia del Ragno
The Spider's Stratagem
1970
Directed by Bernardo Bertolucci

Mentioning Bernardo Bertolucci might still make me gag a bit, but after this film, I might be able to mildly suppress memories of Last Tango in Paris. At least for a little while.  Like for the next five minutes.

Athos Magnani returns to his home, Tara (um, creatively speaking, that's kind of been there done that but all right), in order to find out who killed his father.  I am making it sound like some sort of American action film.  In reality, everyone is a lot less concerned about how Athos I's life came to an end and a lot more interested in simply pretending that Athos II was the second coming.  With more flattering clothes of course.

This isn't really a movie for people that love plot.  In fact, the whole thing kind of reminded me of a dream.  You had a basic goal, like escaping a room, but somehow you end up getting distracted in seconds by extremely weird imagery.  Next thing you know, you are explaining what UTIs are to the quarterback of your high school football team.  At least, that's how dreams go if you're me.

Wow, this post has really gone off the rails.  Suffice to say, there is beautiful imagery and cinematography in this movie, but if you are looking for a satisfying plot, keep on walking.

RATING: ***--

Interesting Facts:

Based on a short story by Jorge Luis Borges.

499. Il Conformista

Il Conformista
The Conformist
1969
Directed by Bernardo Bertolucci

I have dedicated today completely to catching up on all my blogs and if that means neglecting some housework, so be it!  I have been behind for weeks now and am very eager to watch some new movies.  Until that happy moment arrives, though, we must talk about The Conformist.

Marcello Clerici is in Paris to assassinate his former college professor.  In a series of flashbacks, we learn about Marcello's past, which includes homosexual encounters, an awkward marriage, and an affair with the professor's wife.  Basically, this man is just a horrible person but we are supposed to find him fascinating.  Sounds like every guy I have ever gone a date with, come to think of it.

I have really been hating on the recent string of films and from the looks of what we have lined up, that is not going to change anytime soon.  I will say that it was interesting watching where loyalty to the state led during a period of revolution and change.  But did anyone find these characters to be realistic or relatable in any way? They all seemed to be disturbed to some degree.  I am sorry to burst any males' bubbles here, but I highly doubt that any woman would act like Anna does.

This was a sad and strange experience; I only wish that I cared a bit more about the characters.  Oh well.

RATING: **---

Interesting Facts:

The telephone number given by the operator belongs to Jean-Luc Godard.

426. Prima Della Rivoluzione

Prima Della Rivoluzione
Before the Revolution
1964
Directed by Bernardo Bertolucci

We once again must rely on my horrible French since those are the only subtitles I could find for this Italian film.  Merde.  Unfortunately, I was able to understand this film, which means I couldn't just make up my story as boring images filled the screen.  Personally, I would have chosen to not make the romance between a guy and his mentally disturbed aunt but whatever.

It seems like I have a thing against foreign films.  Some of my favorite films are foreign!  Okay, that sounded bad.  I think it can be harder to pay attention to movies if they are in a different language.  But I do enjoy a lot of foreign films and hopefully, we will get to some of those.  For now, though, we are stuck with obscure bores.

I absolutely hate Bertolucci, I thought he was an indulgent director with 1900 and twisted with Last Tango in Paris.  After reading about how he behaved with the cast for Last Tango, he may very well be monster.  But more on that when we get to that film.

Usually a dull story can be saved with brilliant cinematography but I was disappointed with that aspect as well. Just skip it.  Of course, you probably have never heard of this movie so this should really have no bearing on what you do.

RATING: **---

Interesting Facts:

Bertolucci was 22 when he made this.  Well, we all do stupid things when we are young.