1131. Avengers: Endgame

Avengers: Endgame
2019

Directors by Joe Russo and Anthony Russo

I suppose it makes sense that this was included, as it's currently the highest grossing movie of all time. But sitting through three hours of this was a chore, no matter how many perfect human specimens appear in spandex.

I guess it's difficult to give a plot synopsis here without giving away spoilers. Does anybody even care about spoilers when the events have no permanence? Oh well, here we go. The action figures (I won't even call them characters) attempt to recover from whatever happened in the previous 166 movies. Time travel is involved, which leads to brilliant dialogue such as "They’re not trying to stop something I’m going to do in our time. They’re trying to undo something I’ve already done in theirs." Huh?

I just found this to be really boring. It's tedious following the ridiculous plot, and it doesn't get charming no matter how often the actors wink and nudge at the audience, seeking to ensure us they're in on the joke.

I have probably missed about fifty Marvel movies that are connected to this one, which might explain why I have no attachment to any of the characters. I don't think the Russo Brothers are really the best at capturing real human moments. But I think those moments are essential to make a good superhero movie, otherwise it's just a sequence of loosely connected action scenes. 

But I suppose Marvel and comic book fans will have fun spotting all their favorite hotties and revisiting many familiar moments from the franchise.

RATING: **---

Interesting Facts:

Brie Larson filmed her scenes in this movie before shooting Captain Marvel.

Longest Marvel movie of all time. You don't say!

Chadwick Boseman's last appearance as the Black Panther. 

1082. Avengers: Infinity War

Avengers: Infinity War
2018
Directed by Anthony Russo

New year, new me! Will this version of myself like superhero movies? Nope. But maybe the new me can be less snarky and judgmental about it? We'll see!

I don't think I will attempt to give a plot summary of this one. For one thing, I haven't seen all the Marvel movies, so I was fairly confused by what was going on. But let's keep that between you and me. I don't want the next guy I go on a first date with, who will inevitably worship these films, to catch wind and launch a seven hour lecture series about the history of the Infinity stones.

There are no stakes in this universe because death isn't real. I found it very amusing that the filmmakers had killed and brought back to life so many characters that they had to keep reminding the audience to try to take them seriously (e.g. when referencing a character's death, another character said "I think it's for real this time!"). It reminded me of Miracle Max in The Princess Bride: is he mostly dead or all the way dead? This, obviously, makes every potentially emotional scene null and void. I am not sure how anyone can feel remotely invested in this story. I am certain some Marvel fans would moan with "such and such character IS all the way dead!" Don't worry, I am sure a scientist and wizard will hold hands in a future installment to forge the Resurrection Stone, don't get your panties in a bunch.

Because the stakes are so low among the main cast, the storytellers are forced to raise the stakes in some other ridiculous way, meaning the heroes must save HALF the universe from Thanos. But we don't really see what they are fighting for. Most of the action takes place in space ships and random Super Mario Galaxy planets. And the filmmakers are so busy cramming stars into every scene (in this context, I mean ridiculously good looking, leather clad hotties, not literal stars), that there is no time for a "oh, THIS is what they are fighting for" scene.

And the dialogue. Sweet Jesus.

Okay, I know these movie are supposed to be charmingly self-aware. But I really think this "self awareness" is just insecurity on the part of the writers. They know what a ridiculous world they have created (which has absolutely zero parameters, meaning it's deus ex machinas abound), so they are constantly poking fun at it before the viewers can on their reddit threads. It's like if all of the characters in the original Star Wars were Han Solo.  Of course, the actors are also ad-libbing and each white guy is fighting to be the smarmiest guy on the green screen at every given moment. And therein lies the reason why these movies are so popular. I am sure many a young man would love to believe that he would be the one attaching dynamite to a space monster's shoulder, delivering some sarcastic comment, flipping him off, and warping into another dimension.

I guess the special effects are cool, but that's not really something that adds to my enjoyment level too much. So maybe steady on the judgment, but improving on my snark?

RATING: **---

Interesting Facts:

Robert Downey Jr. insisted his furniture from his house in LA be shipped to the filming location. Oy.

Chapter Seven of Phase 3 in the Marvel Universe. Oy again.