645. Stalker

Stalker
1979
Directed by Andrei Tarkovsky

I am having a bit of a rough day today and, as we all know, the cure to any hard day is to watch a really long, confusing Russian film.  Thankfully, I think we are finally done with Tarkovsky.

Like I said, this movie was incredibly confusing and I don't really have a clear explanation about what happened.  The Stalker is a guide (an apt name for a person who leads people) that takes clients to The Zone.  The Zone is an area that apparently grants wishes to whoever enters it.  The Stalker begins a journey to take two new people to the Zone, despite the fact that his wife pleads with him to stop.  Apparently, every Russian wife has to be miserable.

That almost sounds like an interesting concept, but I am afraid Tarkovsky does everything he can to drain every last drop of excitement from the film.  There are ridiculously long shots that are filmed by a stupidly far off distance.  Sometimes in these really dull films I can at least find the cinematography to be beautiful.  But these shots were just plain weird and didn't feel connected.

One of my writing professors use to say that you shouldn't introduce a loaded gun into a scene if you are not prepared to shoot it.  My professor would have bitched Tarkovsky out on this one as he did not really deliver on the promise of his premise.  I was also forced to sit through Vanilla Sky with a friend the other day, so it seems my suffering is truly endless.

RATING: *----

Interesting Facts:

New camera shot every 88 seconds.  And there is no dialogue for the first ten minutes.

581. Zerkalo

Zerkalo
The Mirror
1974
Directed by Andrei Tarkovsky

Andrei Tarkovsky delivers us another incredibly boring movie.  Perhaps 1974 isn't our year after all.

Honestly, I have absolutely no idea what this movie is about.  I didn't understand it during its grueling run time, and I still don't get it, after doing some research online.  Basically, this movie is about the life of Alexei, who is an exceedingly dull "protagonist."  Pictured above, you will one of the pivotal scenes, when his mother washes her hair.  Heavy stuff...

This is the kind of pretentious nightmare that I think most people picture when they hear the term "foreign film."  Avoid at all costs.

RATING: *----

Interesting Facts:

I have nothing on this one.  Dull to the very end.

549. Solyaris

Solyaris
Solaris
1972
Directed by Andrei Tarkovsky

Has anyone ever thought "hmm, 2001:  A Space Odyssey was good, but I wish it was longer"?  I hope to god I never meet anyone like that.  Anyway, here we go with the longer version of 2001.

A psychologist named Kelvin is sent to a space station orbiting the planet Solaris.  The crew that he finds there are all in various states of psychosis.   It seems like the planet produces "visitors" based on the astronauts' dreams.  This actually has the potential to be quite a frightening movie if it wasn't so tedious.

Self-indulgent is the first term that comes to mind.  I am very accepting of lengthy movies if the content warrants it.  But this was ridiculous.  For example, we are forced to watch a car drive through a city for a few minutes for no reason at all.  It's like when people monopolize the conversation when they have absolutely to contribute by saying "Anyway..." loudly.  Have any of these Eastern European directors heard the expression "brevity is the soul of wit"?

Of course, there were moments of this film that were beautiful, but it was still a bit of a chore to sit through.

RATING: ***--

Interesting Facts:

Tarkovsky's least favorite film that he has directed.

Tarkovsky dislike the comparison to 2001 and called Kubrick's film "sterile."

Remade in 2002 with George Clooney.  Anyone see the remake?

504. Andrei Rublyov

Andrei Rublyov
Andrei Rublev
1969
Directed by Andrei Tarkovsky

I have been trying to get through this film for the past week and a half and lord, have I struggled.  I am also currently reading Marcel Proust's Remembrance of Things Past.  I am going to have to seriously binge on reality television to ensure that my brain is still mush.

The version I watched of this film was 205 minutes so I am not going to go into great detail about the plot.  This is a handy excuse, since I wasn't paying a lot of attention.  Your movie reviewer, ladies and gentlemen.

What I do know is that this movie is overrun with glaringly obvious metaphors.  For example, the film starts with a man preparing for a hot air balloon ride.  As he rises into the air, an angry mob, frightened by the spectacle, try to stop him.  On the other hand, the man is completely in awe of the views afforded to him with this device...until he crashes.  Let's get some English professors in here to figure out what that means.

Just plain dull and heaven knows we have more than our share of those.

RATING: **---

Interesting Facts:

A horse from a local slaughterhouse was shot in the head for the scene when the horse falls down the stairs.  Charming.