682. The Poltergeist

The Poltergeist
1982
Directed by Tobe Hooper

I saw the remake of this film in theaters during a second date gone terribly wrong.  I personally don't think you should go to a movie together until at least the fifth date, because why would anyone want to sit in a dark theater with a stranger for a couple hours?  For some reason I thought it would be embarrassing if he saw me jump during the film, so I made sure to focus only on out of focus things.  This is a great way to give yourself a booming migraine and the night concluded with me vomiting.  I wish so many of my stories didn't end that way.  I never did get a third date, which I know must be quite puzzling to my readers.  Anyway, the remake sucked and this kind of sucked too.

The Poltergeist follows the haunting of the Freeling family.  This kind of film has been done a million times now, so you don't need much more of a plot summary then "things get worse."

I think I have mentioned this before, but my siblings and I love binge watching horror films so this is a formula I am very familiar with it.  I suppose I can't fault the movie for having absolutely zero surprises, but it still wasn't the most enjoyable experience.  Some of the "scares" were downright silly.  I will not be afraid of a tree, no matter how much 80s horror directors try to shove that on us.

RATING: **---                                    

Interesting Facts:

Heather O'Rourke and Dominique Dunne are buried in the same cemetery.  O'Rourke died of a heart attack at the age of 12 and Dunne was strangled by her boyfriend.  Awful.

Lou Perryman was murdered with an ax in 2001.  Dear lord.

580. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
1974
Directed by Tobe Hooper

I absolutely worship slasher films.  I have no idea why.  I always know exactly what is going to happen.  They almost never scare me.  Maybe it is because I have fond memories of them.  I used to get together with my friends in high school and watch a horror film every Saturday night.  Now I mostly watch them with my siblings.  No matter how bad the movie is, we usually have fun laughing about it.  I always bring the candy and pretend it is for everyone.  It is a great tradition.

Anyway, I have seen at least a hundred slasher movies, usually by searching for the very worst Netflix has to offer.  I suppose this is the first slasher film there is, unless you count Peeping Tom or Psycho.  But this film truly created the formula that almost every horror director has ritually copied.  A group of teenagers travel to the middle of nowhere for some obscure reason and slowly get picked off one by one by a masked killer.  Sluts in the front, please.

I am pretty sure I can handle any amount of violence on screen, unless it is sexual.  This film really tested that theory about myself.  There were scenes in this film that were just plain disgusting even to me, a seasoned viewer.  I usually like my slasher movie kills to be a bit more clean and fast.  I am much more interested in the tension than watching someone being impaled by a meat hook.

I can't honestly say I enjoyed this film, but I do appreciate its place on The List and the influence it had on one of my favorite sub genres.  Still, I wouldn't recommend it to anyone who is looking for a great slasher.  That honor would go to Scream.  Or Cabin in the Woods.  Or forty others I can think of right now. Got a pen?

RATING: ***--

Interesting Facts:

The actor who played Leatherface could always run faster than Marilyn Burns, so in several scenes you will see him doing random things to slow himself down.

Edwin Neal said filming this movie was more miserable than his time in Vietnam.